I don’t often share private information on this blog, but, it just goes to show that when you do a writing exercise that’s of a personal nature, it can bring up ideas for fiction writing. Here’s what I wrote in my notebook in response to the prompt “I don’t remember…”

I don’t remember the last time that I actually woke in the morning feeling refreshed. I’m not sure I ever have!

My first bout of insomnia was when I was 14 and I was taken to the doctors. He prescribed sleeping tablets, but I never took them. I was concerned about how they would affect me at school and the ability to be cohesive at 8.30 every morning.

The problem continued well into my 30′s. I just couldn’t fall asleep and would often still be reading at 2am, willing myself to feel sleepy. I read a lot in those days lol.

But in 2007 the problem changed. We had to move to a rental property (long story about our business that I won’t go into) and within a matter of weeks I found myself waking up every 3 hours, not being able to breath, feeling as though someone was hugging my chest so tightly they were crushing me. Trips to the doctors and an alternative therapist finally diagnosed panic attacks…in my sleep lol. I never had an incident during the day when I was awake lol. Every single night I would go to bed, be up 3 hours later…recover, go back to bed and it would happen 3 hours later again. I was completely exhausted

But that all stopped shortly after we moved into this house 5 years ago, but it left me with a slightly different problem…Sleep Paralysis.

When I initially told people what I had been experiencing they looked at me like I was mad! The most common response is “you must be dreaming” and in the end you stop telling people. But it wasn’t until a couple of months ago when I came across a video on YouTube that I realised what I had been experiencing had a name and I wasn’t alone. Although, after hearing the experiences of others I’m a little more freaked out about it.

Basically, Sleep Paralysis is where you wake up but you are completely paralysed and consumed with this intense fear, terror. For me, I’ve never been entirely sure why I’m so terrified, but many others have seen what it is that terrorises them in the small hours. You try to move, you can’t. You try to scream, you can’t. It can last from several seconds to a few minutes. Many other sufferers believe that the thing terrorising them is of a paranormal nature, but as I’ve never seen my dark shadow/entity (and I really DON’T want to) I’m not sure what I believe. The scientists who have studied it don’t seem to know either.

I’ve discovered a way to avert an attack which seems to work. When I lay down to sleep I have to think hard about nice things. Events of the day, what I’m going to do tomorrow and stories I’m working on. If I forget to do that or any negative thoughts creep in (I think about an advert I’ve seen about animal cruelty, or the blood and violence from a film) it can bring on an attack. It’s funny, because I don’t scare easily. I’m not a fan of horror films but I do love a ghost film, I just can’t watch that kind of stuff just before going to bed now lol.

So now, I consider myself very lucky if I sleep for 7 hours, but it’s usually more like 5 or 6 on an average night and I spend most of the day feeling tired. If I have a nap, I can’t go to sleep later, so it’s a viscous circle. I’ve tried various alternative medicines, read lots of books and tried various techniques, but there is no treatment out there for Sleep Paralysis, although, thankfully, I’ve been able to reduce my attacks to probably about 1 a month, and I know now that I’m not going mad

When I reread what I wrote I thought, could this be my Nano 2013 novel? A woman who becomes petrified to go to sleep? But hasn’t that been done? Was it Nightmare On Elm Street or something like that? I’m quite fascinated by the whole thing and I’m sure I could turn it into fiction….I feel a mind map/spider graph coming on lol

The short video above is part of an hour long programme by Professor David J Hufford, who has been studying Sleep Paralysis for many years. Are there really demons who want to torment us during the night? It doesn’t seem to matter what religious denomination you belong to, sufferers come from all beliefs, and most believe that when they have an attack there is an evil entity in the room *shudders*

Scary huh? Will I freak myself out if I try to turn it into a novel?

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1. I deserve time off!

And

2. I thought you’d all want to hear about my reading at the Faber Event last Friday

I was still editing my piece on the train journey up to London!

When i arrived we were offered the chance to have a practice reading with Richard Reeves (who tutored SJ Watson). So after watching a few of my fellow students go up to the podium, read, be timed, and then given tips on how to improve their readings I gave it a go. I was nervous, but it was only to be in front of a dozen students.

My reading came in at 1.50 seconds (our time slots were for 2 minutes) and Richard said my volume was fine (he could hear me perfectly at the back). He said that I could probably afford to pause for slightly longer in a few places, but other than that it was clear and understandable. When I made my way back to my seat my hands were shaking lol.

By 1.30 the room was packed and we took our seats. The readings were in alphabetical order, so of course, I was 21st out of 23 lol….if I’d had known that I would have changed my name! I managed to take this pic before everyone arrived lol.

I didnt hear a word the guy before me read, all i could hear was my heart pounding and then when they were clapping i knew i had to get up. I was terrified but, everyone else had done so well overcoming their nerves that i was determined to do it. I went up to the podium and said “Hello, my name is Vikki Thompson and this is the opening scene of my novel Still.” It was the only time I looked around the room until I’d finished reading lol. I wasn’t shaking when I finished, but I felt the practice run had been better lol.

After everyone was thanked for coming we got up and seriously, some of the agents made a bee line for certain students, who’d obviously impressed them. They just had to get in first!

We all congregated in another room for drinks and it was then that agents had the full opportunity to approach the students whose work they were interested in. Five people from my class were approached, two of them by two agents.

My tutor Tim came up to me and said I’d done really well, and at that moment I could have burst into tears, the relief, the build up of 6 months was just so overwhelming. He must have seen my face because he asked if I was ok and all I could do was nod lol

I don’t know exactly which agents were there, although I did see one of my class approached by a lady from Curtis Brown.

I wasn’t disappointed that no one approached me and that i didnt get the opportunity to do my “pitch”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to. My fellow students work was so much better, seriously. The ones who went away Friday with requests to submit truly deserved it….I didn’t, and I accept that.

We were given 2 copies of the Anthology. One, I got all my fellow class mates to sign (so that when they’re famous I can flog it for thousands! Just kidding, I’ll treasure it) and the other I signed and wrote a small thank you note to The Hubster, who, has been very supportive with the course and as a taxi service (Thank You!).

The Anthology will be available on Kindle soon, so I’ll give you the link to that when I have it….just in case you’d like to download it and see my submission. My reading isn’t in there though….I may share that with you at some stage, when I’ve recovered lol

So now what? I guess I’ll just plod on, keep learning, keep writing….it wasn’t my time, maybe it never will be (and noooo, this isn’t a self pity post, really, I’m fine about it, I’m not even upset, just proud of myself and relieved its over lol). I learnt a lot, had some great experiences, met some fantastic people and can now put on my CV Faber Graduate

But now, i deserve a rest, don’t you agree?

The lovely Katie over at The Intrinsic Writer has nominated me for the Inspiring Blog Award. Thank you so much honey

The rules are:
1. Display award image on your blog page
2. Link back to the person who nominated you
3. State what inspires you
4. Nominate 5 others for this award
5. Notify said bloggers

So what inspires me?
Talking to other writers.
Art galleries & museums.
Sitting on the sand/pebbles at the beach and staring out to sea.
Walking in the woods surrounded by trees.
Using brightly coloured pens in my notebooks.
YouTube!
Visiting historic houses.
Sunny days.
Natalie Goldberg, Judy Reeves & Julia Cameron.
Reading great books/writers.
New experiences.
People watching in coffee shops.
Great cpnversation.

The blogs I nominate for this award are:
Sarah Potter
Linda King
Edith at In A Room Of My Own
Sara Kjeldsen
The Write Romantics

Then the wonderful Rustic Recluse nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award….thank you

This one is where I have to state 7 things about myself, but, I’m gunna ask you guys to do the work…..Ask me a question…if there’s more than 7 I’ll still answer, promise

And the 7 bloggers I nominate for this one are:

Rose Anderson
Magdalena Vandenberg
Nicky Wells
Karen at Karcherry
Catherine Johnson
Debbie at The Wicked Queens Mirror
Sue at Sassy Speaks

Please take a moment to check out all these wonderful bloggers. Now, who has the first question? Ooooo, I’m nervous lol

Initially I thought, yeah, great advice….like Nike says “Just Do It!

But then a couple of weeks ago I heard an interview on the radio with Tracy Chevalier (who wrote Girl With A Pearl Earring) where the interviewer asked her why she had decided to go down the Creative Writing MA route rather than just write. She responded by saying that she felt she needed the structure and instruction that a course like that gave her.

I was already thinking what the hell was I was going to do after Faber and Tracy’s words really struck home. I think I’m quite a lazy writer, no, perhaps not lazy, oh what’s the word? I’m the type of writer who needs a push. When it comes to a choice between the carrot and the stick I probably respond better to the stick, that’s for sure. I suffer from huge motivation issues.

Sooooo, after hearing what Tracy said I went straight online and looked up writing courses. I still have so much to learn (I feel) and as I’m a member of 2 writing groups I don’t feel that I’m lacking in contact with fellow writers, so I was looking for something I could do at my own pace, at home.

I’d seen adverts for The Writers Bureau in all the writing magazines. I know people who have done the course, and I even know a couple of writers who tutor for them. So I signed up for the Comprehensive Writing Course and my pack arrived last week

I’m a big believer in learning as much as I can about writing, but I know at some stage my Faber tutor is right, but I don’t feel I’m ready to let go of learning, just yet….So when will I know I am?

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The problem is, I’ve had so much on my mind this past week, and because of that I’ve found it really hard to focus. Still been writing everyday, just not doing the things I should have been doing *frowns*

So the list last week looked like this:

1. Submit 1st assignment to Writers Bureau & start 2nd. Nope *deep sigh* but I did work on it.

2. Continue to work on Faber 25 word pitch & reading. Yep, but it’s still not finished.

3. Edit at least 1 chapter of Tangled. Nope, but I’ve decided to send it off to the RNA in first draft form.

4. Declutter the dining room. Started….it looks even worse now than before I started lol

5. Sort out outfit for Faber event. I have decided what I’m going to wear. I don’t want to look too posh lol….so I’m just going to go as me! I will need a new pair of shoes though.

6. Look at Adult Ed classes for September. Nope, but, there is a good reason why I didn’t do that….I just can’t tell you about that at the moment lol

Sooooo, a disappointing week, but I guess I should have known that I wouldn’t be able to focus. The Faber event where I have to read in front of 30 agents is this coming Friday (14th) and the nerves have set in already. I’m feeling a bit stressed and looking at my diary for next week it’s no wonder lol

I’ve tried to keep my To Do List very simple this week because I feel that anything I add won’t get done anyway lol

So what are your writing plans for the week?

It’s a place to upload your short stories, extracts from novels etc, and is read by agents and publishers. ReadWave are very proud of the fact that they have had examples of contributors being contacted by industry professionals because of work placed on the site.

I joined up the day after the launch party, but it was only a couple of days ago (prompted by a comment one if my friends made on FaceBook and the fact that there isn’t much of my stuff online) that I decided to upload a story. It’s one I’ve had knocking about for a while so I’ll be interested to see the feedback I receive…..which has been very positive so far

Here’s my story “Eating Out” on their page:

And if you want to go have a read you’ll find it HERE Please leave a comment if you liked it.

This does beg that age old question…should a writer make their work available for free? Personally, I think the odd short story or extract is fine, because it’s promotion and many writers have found that its led to a publishing deal. But what do you think? Do you make any of your work available free online? Or are you anti freebies?

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Apologies in advance that this post is quite long and isn’t really my normal whiney type of post for IWSG.

I remember the day that I wanted to write. My friend Jayne had been writing for a while, but needed some direction. I persuaded her to go to a class at our local adult education centre, and to offer support, I said I’d go with her. I didn’t have a clue what to expect, thought I could possibly bluff my way through the class. I didn’t even consider that we might get set homework which would mean I would actually have to write some fiction lol.

That very first class was a complete turning point in my life. The tutor started by recommending that we keep a “writers notebook” to jot down ideas for stories, observations we’d made, snippets of overheard conversations blah blah blah. I’d been journaling for a few years. Filling notebook after notebook (most of which I still have) with snippets of my life, descriptions of events and daily musings, so that recommendation sounded like fun!

When I got home I went to my stash (I didn’t need to buy one, come on!) and started to scribble down ideas, collect info, take photos and write down the thoughts that had been fluttering around my head for years.

It was like a lightbulb moment! And within a couple of weeks I’d half filled that book (I still have it…it’s notebook No1…I’m on notebook No39 now lol) and had written 2 short stories. Sitting here now, I remember the excitement I had. I remember how eager I was to learn, to soak up every single piece of information I could, to help me become a “writer”

Unfortunately I didn’t finish the course (it was on a Tuesday afternoon, and both me and Jayne found it more and more difficult to get there). So Philip Kane if you’re reading this…THANK YOU!

So here I am, 2 years and 7 months later and I’ve finally realised…it’s not a race. I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself. Those of you reading this who know me in real life will know that I throw myself into things 110% if I’m passionate about it. I’m like a sports car (I don’t look as good, obviously) trying to go 0-60 in 0.4 seconds. I need to slow down, get that excitement back, and I’m forming strategies to help me with that (like the 2 week break I’ve just had which worked really well and I won’t hesitate to do again when I’m feeling worn/burnt out).

This month I will be focussing on “fun” writing and trying to recapture the innocence I had back in 2010 before I knew all about publishing, agents, Kindle and the shit prospects I face as an aspiring “author” with a very slim chance of ever publishing a novel.

So I guess I’m not insecure as such this month, but I’m definitely re-evaluating. In the writing community I am a mere toddler, and you know what they say about your childhood? They’re supposed to be the best days of your life

Incidentally: The first piece of homework I had to submit for the writing class? Mr Kane liked it and actually asked if he could put it on a web site

I think I’ll always feel insecure about my writing, it comes with the territory, but, I think the key is not to stress. To take a moment to breath and just concentrate on being the best writer that you can. The rest will just fall into place at some stage and if it doesn’t, does that really matter? If my dream is to be published and then I achieve that, I’ll just have to come up with a new dream

So what are you feeling insecure about today?

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So how did I do last week with my “To Do List”?

1. Work on 25 word pitch & reading for Faber. Well, I made a start, but not very successfully….must get it finished this week!

2. Edit at least 1 chapter of Tangled. Failed miserably It’s that editing thing again *sighs*

3. Start going to the gym. Another epic fail lol

4. Do 1 writing exercise every day. Done!

5. Work on my Now List. Done!

6. Do some studying every day. Done!

Isn’t it funny how the things you enjoy doing are the things that get done first on the list he he he!

So another hectic week coming up, but some really good stuff to look forward to

What are your writing plans for the week?

The first one is The Museum of Broken Relationships which I found on Sally Jenkins Blog a while back. Do click on the picture of the axe under exhibits. What a brilliant story!

Then I came across 26 Treasures which was a project run by museums in Wales, Scotland and Ireland. They invited writers to use 26 objects from the museums collections to inspire a piece of writing. Over 100 writers took part and a book was produced.

So here are some inspiring objects I’ve come across recently that I intend to use for prompts:

Do you ever use “objects” to inspire stories?

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Courtesy of digitalart @ FreeDigitalPhotos

5 stars ***** I loved it…unputdownable.

4 stars **** Really enjoyed it, but….(I’m probably just being picky but there was at least one thing that annoyed me, I found a bit unbelievable or didn’t like etc).

3 stars *** It was ok but I’m disappointed. I had a major problem with a particular aspect, but for some unknown reason decided to read to the end lol

2 stars ** Hmmmm, not for me. It really didn’t work or was just plain boring.

1 star * Well, that’s a part of my life I’ll never get back! Hated it!

So how many stars would I give a book that I hadn’t been able to finish? And why would I want to spend my time reading a book that I didn’t like? I don’t think I’ve ever given a 1 or 2 star review on Amazon or Goodreads, because if it was that bad I would have chucked the book across the room by page 100 lol

Go check out Anne R Allens excellent guide to leaving a review on Amazon and also a brillant post from Lisa Jewell reviewing her reviews.

So my question to you dear reader is….. do you ever give 1 or 2 star reviews? And if so, how do you decide what constitutes a 1 star and why would you continue reading a book if you thought it was that bad?