Tag Archives: Insecure Writers Support Group

Insecure Writers Support Day – March

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It’s the first Wednesday of the month, and you know what that means don’t you 😉

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Many thanks, again, to the wonderful Alex J Cavanagh who created and hosts the blog hop 🙂

Ok, so last month I was in a real state, suffering from Writers Block, big time! And, although I was able to establish why I was struggling (because it just wasn’t working), I couldn’t see a way out of it. Thank you so much for all your kind words of advice and support. It really helped me make the decision to start rewriting the WIP again (scrubbing the 25,000 words of rewrite number 2 and starting rewrite number 3) and it was the rewritten first 5000 words that I submitted for critique to my fellow students at Faber last Monday night.

At this point I’d just like to add that my class are 11 fellow students (plus my tutor) who are all, in my opinion, very talented writers. They come from different backgrounds (and countries in 3 cases), are different ages, different sexes, and write different genres. I value their opinions so much and respect their judgements. It’s probably one of the best parts of the course (although it doesn’t feel like it when you’re being critiqued lol), a pure emotional roller coaster, and possibly one of the bravest things I’ve ever done!

Anyway, back to my critique and how I’m feeling today… I had some very positive responses to my piece, but also lots of comments on the structure. When I started rewrite number 2 I decided that, as it was really Ruby and Laura’s story, I had to find a way to have Laura’s story from the past, running along side Ruby’s story from the present. I thought about doing part one then part two…..nah, boring. Then i thought about just having different chapters in a different time frame…..nah, that can be annoying lol. So i decided to go for the idea of having Laura’s journal. Cliched? Probably, but, I like reading novels that include letters and diary entries.

But there are a few problems in doing that.
1. Making sure that the two voices of Ruby and Laura are different (the journal is a younger Laura and then an older Laura appears later on, which complicates things even further).
2. Making the journal entries believable and not just sound like the narration of another story.
3. Deciding on how reliable Laura’s version of events really is.

So, yep, you guessed it….I failed on numbers 1 and 2 and hadn’t even considered number 3! Lol…back to the drawing board.

So now I have a page full of notes and ideas from class and 7,000 words that need sorting out (again) lol. But I’m ok about that. Everything they said made sense, and I can see a way forward now. I’ve just got to decide exactly how to structure it, and iron out the problems with voice (which I think is going to be the hardest! Haven’t I always said that I think all my characters sound like me lol). Lots to think about, decisions to be made, a new Synopsis to be written and then…..back to page one! (Which also needs to start somewhere else) Lol

Not good when I have so many deadlines looming 😦

So I guess today I’m feeling stressed…Stressed, but optimistic, panicked but positive. I beleive in this story. I believe in these characters. Perhaps I’m just not a good enough writer to give it the justice it deserves? My insecurities are what they’ve always been, am I good enough? Can I really do this?

And the hardest part is trying to kick those self doubts in to touch (you’ve all been there I know) and actually start writing again. Knuckle down and actually get on with it!

One day I’ll look back at all this and laugh….hopefully 🙂

Are you feeling insecure about your writing today? Please share so that I know I’m not alone lol 😉

IWSG – February – Confronting Writers Block

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It’s Insecure Writers Support Group Day….and this month I really need a day to wallow 😉

Huge thanks as ever to Alex J Cavanaugh for starting the group.

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I’m not a bragger…never have been, never will be…But, I have often said on my blog, and on others, that I don’t suffer from writers block (don’t you just hate writers who say that?) and I’m still of the opinion that it’s true, I don’t. I can always find something to write about. I’m never completely without words. But, I’ve recently discovered that there are several types of writers block (thank you Fred White) which has made me realise that actually, perhaps I do!

1. Procedural Blocks: Where you get to a point in your story and think what do I do now? And can’t figure out where to take the plot next.

2. Creativity Blocks: Lack of ideas (Mr White says this is the hardest to overcome, but I disagree – see above lol).

3. Psychological Blocks: Your inner critic is telling you you’re not good enough, your writing is crap and that you’ll never be published.

4. Distraction Blocks: Chores, friends, commitments, resulting in not being able to focus.

5. Procrastination Blocks: You find every excuse under the sun to put off the writing (probably because of number 3!).

So at the moment I seem to be suffering from number 3 😦 Mr Squiggle is definitely winning (you’ll need to read a previous post to know what I’m on about with Mr Squiggle lol).

The last week of January I was editing like a lunatic (the first 5000 words which will be my next submission for class) and I’ve subsequently discovered that I can’t write and edit at the same time, thats fair enough, lesson learnt. But…then I stopped editing, and I’ve hardly touched the WIP since. It’s like I’ve come up against a brick wall 😦

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I have over 25,000 words written now of The Last Word Cafe and I’m stuck! Good and proppa! It’s not that I don’t know where the story’s going, I do. It’s not because I’ve got to a hard bit, I haven’t. So what’s the problem? I have a synopsis, I know exactly where the story needs to go. So why can’t I write the damn thing? Is it because its a rewrite of the Nano 2010 novel that I started working on, then stuck in a drawer, then got out again, so I’m bored with it? Or does there just come a point when working on the same “story” for however many years just makes you worn out? And yes, I’m worn out. I have deadlines looming and need to have it completed by June (edited!).

At the weekend i printed off the whole lot and I’m reading through it. Trying to do a bit of planning, in the hopes that it inspires me. In the meantime, come on guys, I need a kick up the arse….how do I get back into it? It seems that I’ve had such a love/hate relationship with this novel over the last 2.2 years…I need to get it finished and put to bed for my own sanity lol

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Insecure Writers Support Group – January 2013

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Firstly, thank you soooo much for all the entries on yesterday’s post. You guys are amazing! Fantastic stuff! I haven’t replied because I don’t want to influence the hubster in making his decision, so at the moment I’m keeping stum! When he makes his decision on Sunday I can then have my say lol. I’ll announce the winner next Monday (7th).

Right, now where were we…..I won’t be posting on Wednesdays normally, apart from once a month 🙂

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IWSG Day, created by the brilliant Alex J Cavanaugh seems to come round so quickly every month, but I’m not complaining 😉

I don’t often share how I actually feel on my blog, so IWSG Day is an opportunity for me to have a day of self pity and wallowing lol.

Sooooo, I’ve just started the complete rewrite of But Not Forgotten, which is now The Last Word Cafe. I spent most of the Christmas break flitting from 3rd person to 1st person, weighing up the pro’s and cons, and basically making a decision….which I then changed a week later lol.

I started thinking about my own reading preferences, went back over the last few books that I’ve read. And it seems to be that I like reading first person POV, so it would make sense to write in it wouldn’t it? But, what made me decide to go for 3rd person was the fact that when I write in 1st person it just sounds like me. Who was it that said find what you’re good at and use that to your advantage? Someone in my Faber class told me she loved my voice or rather, my characters voices….Ok, well, if that’s the case it looks like the novel will be in 1st person and expect some very strong South East London (pronounced SOWF EAS LUNDUN) accents 🙂

So yep, the decision has been made (thank gawd!) and I’m now on day 3 and feeling nervous….because I so want it to work and I’m terrified that it won’t *bites finger nails*

Terrified seems like such a strong word, but it’s true. I want to come away from the Faber course feeling I’ve achieved something, that it was worth it. I will not fail and will have my novel completed by June. I’m trying to stay positive about the Agent pitch I’ll be doing in June….but, lol 😉 Still, I guess I should take comfort in the fact that last year the best piece of work (in our tutors opinion) wasn’t taken up by any of the agents!

I can do this can’t I? Or am I completely delusional? Lol

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Insecure Writers Support Day – December

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Bloody hell, where do I start!

Today is Insecure Writers Support Group Day, the brain child of Alex J Cavanaugh it’s where a whole lot of writers post about their insecurities, once a month, and get support from fellow participants. Seriously, I urge you to join! You will soon discover you are not alone 🙂

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Ok, back to my post…..

If you’re a regular reader you’ll know that in 2010 (my first Nano) I ended up with a 65,000 word unfinished story entitled, But Not Forgotten. I did a spell check on it last year, and this year I’ve tinkered with it, a bit, only the first 10,000 words. I then decided a few months ago that But Not Forgotten wasn’t working and gave up on it (a previous IWSG post). But there has been something haunting me about it ever since. So I submitted the first 4,500 words of it for my critique in my Faber class (see the response here ) telling the tutor that I was unsure about it, couldn’t finish it and wanted to know whether I should.

Was that complete madness? Looking back now, probably. I’d considered it to be 2nd draft (after a spell check and slight tinkering) but, if Chris Baty is right and what you’re left with at the end of Nano is actually draft zero, then what I actually submitted was first draft lol.

The response, (you can see if you click the link above) wasn’t good and although I know, deep down in my heart, every single word they said and suggestion they made was true it’s still left me questioning whether I’m cut out for all this? Whether I can actually do it, be a writer I mean. When do you draw the line? When do you admit defeat and come to the conclusion that you will only ever be a writer as a hobbyist and that you’ll never have any commercial success? I’m not motivated by money, but, having given up an actual “job” to pursue my writing over 2 years ago I’m now feeling that perhaps that was a bad idea and that I should just go get a job?

But I got the answer I wanted, right? It’s crap, bin it! Lol

So now I have the daunting task of starting again. A new story with the same characters. A new POV and only part of the existing plot line. I don’t even know where to start! Lol. In June I have the opportunity to pitch to a room of agents and publishers….SHIT! It’s a great opportunity, and I don’t want to blow it, but will I ever have anything that’s good enough?

I’m hopefully starting on it again this week, but I said that last week! *takes deep breaths and reaches for the alcohol* I now understand why there are a lot of writers out there with drink problems lol 😉

I hope everyone else is having a better month…..will pop over to as many as I can today 🙂

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I Am Thankful For…..Plus Insecure Writers Support Day

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MY READERS!

Yes, that means you, I see you, even if you never comment 🙂

Vikki at Scribblings of an Aspiring Author and Tara at Tara Tyler Talks are hosting this wonderful Blog Hop, that I just couldn’t resist 🙂

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This has actually come at a really good time for me as this blog was created in November 2010, so it is kinda my Blogiversary this month, although, I didn’t start blogging daily until the end of December last year. So I feel a bit like the Queen, The View Outside has two birthdays!

Just for my own curiosity, I had a look back at those first few posts:
November 2010 3 posts
April 2011 1 post (very sad looking blog at this stage!)
November 2011 3 posts (still no comments and I’m not surprised!)
December 2011 10 posts and 3 commentors!!!!!
Ha ha ha….my poor little blog was much neglected in those days 😉

It’s also Insecure Writers Support Day (see the tab above) so I am thankful for that too 🙂 It’s been great being able to moan about my fears on one day every month and I am so grateful for all the IWSG Members who have taken the time to come give me a virtual hug 🙂

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I’m doing ok this month, feeling a little bit out of my depth at Faber. My class mates work is sooooo much better than mine, truly…..I have a lot to learn. But I’m enjoying it, and it’s a challenge I’m definitely up for 🙂

Sooooo, as I can’t thank you all individually (and this includes IWSG Members who take the time to offer their support by visiting my blog on the first Wednesday of every month), I hope you’ll accept my thanks via this note…..
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Hopefully, one day, I’ll meet up with some of you, at my book launch perhaps? *sniggers* 😉 But until then, you will remain, my wonderful blogging friends, who keep me going.

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Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos

p.s if you are one of my readers who has never commented, please come and say hello, I won’t bite and I’d love to chat 🙂 I’m off now to offer support to my fellow Insecure Writers 🙂

Insecure Writers Support Day – October

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It’s Alex J Cavanaugh’s Insecure Writers Support Group day. It seems to have come round so quickly this month lol.

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Last month, you may remember, I posted a fairly positive post, still on a huge high from Swanwick. Unfortunately, it’s kinda worn off now lol 😉

This months IWSG post falls 12 days before I attend my first class at The Faber Academy *gulp* I was managing to stay positive, keeping a smile on my face if it was ever mentioned, and have spent the last month trying to convince myself I’m excited. Ok, yes I am excited, but I’m also as nervous as hell…..and as the days pass I just know it’s going to get worse 😦

I’ve never considered myself a confident person, have always struggled when it came to walking into a room of strangers. So Monday the 15th of October is lining up to be my worst nightmare! A room of 26 people writers, who I’ve never met before, who will all be sooooo much more talented than I am…..shit, what have I done! Lol 😦

There’s all that handshaking and remembering people’s names. The fear as to whether the tutor will like me (or take an instant dislike to me!) and bloody hell WHAT DO I WEAR????? I bet a big spot comes up on my nose the night before or I’ll arrive having spilt coffee down my front *sighs* 😦 Oh gawd, I’ll have to put my posh voice on too! Lol

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photo courtesy of nokhoog_buchachon/freedigitalphotos.net

I’m feeling well out of my depth here. I don’t want them to think I’m a bored little house wife who thinks she might be able to write a book. I’ve not had anything published, I don’t have this huge long CV of all my “writing” achievements, and let’s face it, my work isn’t exactly what you’d call “literary” lol.

Yes, I know I got onto the course because they saw something in the piece I submitted, but I also have this little voice inside my head that says “they didn’t have many people apply this year” or “the quality of work that was submitted this year was dire” LMAO! I have to laugh or I’ll cry!

So, what to do? I could just curl up in a ball and cry? Shout and scream at the husband (“it’s all your fault, you persuaded me to apply why did I listen to you?”)? Fein an illness on the first day? Or i could just send them an e mail saying its all been a huge mistake?

Any coping strategies would be much appreciated I need help, before I have no finger nails left 😉

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Insecure Writers Day – September

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Yep, it’s that time of the month again (no wise cracks please lol) and for some reason, I feel it’s come around really quick this time….weird lol

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So it’s IWSG Day and this will be the 6th consecutive month that I’ve participated. If you haven’t joined, please do (see the tab above) as I can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s been great, and I’ve met some lovely bloggers 🙂

Sooooo, where do I start? What am I feeling insecure about this month? Actually, wait for it, nothing! Lol. Yep, you heard right, zilch, nada lol 😉 Well, ok, there is something but more on that later 😉

I think I know the reason why I’m feeling so good…. SWANWICK! I enjoyed it last year, which was when I attended the first time. But I came home feeling totally inadequate and out of my depth. Come on, who wouldn’t! Sitting in the bar, having a drink with Iain Banks and feeling in awe of Meg Davis and Emma Darwin as they mingled.

This year was different. This year I still had respect for all these authors, agents and tutors, but, I didn’t feel so inadequate or intimidated. I didn’t feel that they were somehow “better” than me. I even spent a couple of early mornings sitting on a bench chatting to Meg while we both smoked lol.

So what changed? I dunno….lol…..I have a couple of theories 🙂

1. I’m more confident in my own work.
2. I’ve got used to mixing with these people and realise they’re “ordinary”?
and
3. Blogging, connecting with other writers, forming a support network, and feeling that I’m part of a huge family of writers that spreads across the globe.

*grins stupidly and is filled with a warm fuzzy feeling*

So I came away with a sense of support. I came away with a smile on my face, and a determination to succeed 🙂

Then, last Wednesday, I had an e mail from The Faber Academy (who are part of Faber & Faber the publishers in London) to say that I was being offered a place on their Novel Writing course. When I applied back in early July I had to submit 1000 words as an example of my work. They had 52 places on their London courses for 2012 so they decide who gets a place based on your writing. I sent them the prologue and first couple of pages of But Not Forgotten. So I guess they liked it lol. I’m excited, but bloody terrified!!!!!! I’m worried that there will be high standards, that my work won’t be up to the calibre of the other students. Silly really, because Faber obviously see something in my work that I don’t lol.

Sooooo, my advice to anyone who is feeling insecure today? DON’T GIVE UP! KEEP WRITING, NEVER STOP! Even if it’s only 1 sentence a day. Mistakes and crap writing is what we learn from. If its not working, put it aside and try something else. Don’t bin it, it’s part of your journey. And if you ever get chance, do try to go to one of these Writers Summer Schools. Over the last 2 years I’ve met people who have been attending Swanwick for years! I can see me being one of those, definitely 🙂

And if you don’t believe me, read what writer/tutor Simon Whaley has to say about these events 🙂

I’m away from home today (I’m in Birmingham lol) so I may be a little late visiting other IWSG members, but I’ll get to as many of you as I can later 🙂

So what are you feeling insecure about today? I’m all ears, and available for hugs and finger wagging if required 😉

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Insecure Writers Support Day August

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It’s that time of the month again 😉 Nooooo, not that time of the month, this time……

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I can safely say that I am fully over deciding to bin the WIP, well, it’s the previous WIP now isn’t it? Lol 😉

So what am I feeling insecure about this month? Everything……

My regular readers will know I was trying to write a pocket novel recently, and it’s because of that that I decided to attend Kate Walkers Introduction to Romance course at Caerleon.

Well, what an eye opener! I don’t really know what I thought a Mills & Boon novel was but, I now know its right up my street 🙂

I love doing characters and I love emotional conflict. And that’s basically what a Mills & Boon Modern romance is. So guess what the plan is? Yep, that’s right, I want to try my hand at writing a Mills & Boon Romance! 😉

Kate was very inspiring. She’s written 60 books and made me feel that yes, I can do it, well, that’s how I felt at the end of every session….that is, until I got home lol.

Now I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, a bit, I dunno, useless? Ha ha ha 🙂 Seriously, I’m doubting that I have even the tiniest ounce of writing talent. At this current moment I’m thinking there’s no way I could ever match Kate Walkers writing abilities.

Caerleon was excellent, being surrounded by all those writers. But, sometimes, when I’m at those events I feel alienated, and that I haven’t got a hope in hell of being published *deep sigh*

So am I just kidding myself? Will I ever have the stamina, determination, and talent to match Kate Walker? This is a major self pity post, I know lol. I’m not looking for sympathy, and I know I’m not alone in feeling like this…..but sometimes, it’s just good to wallow 😉

So what are you feeling insecure about today?

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Insecure Writers Day – July

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Today is Insecure Writers Support Day 🙂

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…..and yes, that was a smile. I’m not smiling because I have no insecurities, I’m smiling because I’ve finally made a decision about my WIP…. *drum roll please*

I’m going to STOP

Yep, that’s right, you heard me lol….there are a couple of reasons:

1. I keep hearing from so many people that you should never edit before you’ve finished, purely because if you do, you’ll NEVER actually finish it. I’m beginning to believe it, as it’s still not finished, so I made a big mistake there 😦

And

2. I attended a talk by an agent last week, which has made me decide it’s not strong enough. You wait till you see my post, 20 Things I Learnt From An Agent (which I’ll be posting on Friday). Seriously, I’m being realistic. What’s that old expression about flogging a dead horse? Lol

The 65,000 words that currently make up But Not Forgotten were written in 2010. I’ve changed so much as a writer since then, I’ve learnt so much. My main problem is getting back into that mindset. Getting back the feelings I had in 2010 when I wrote it. I’m being logical (which is soooo unlike me, I’m usually a heart person, not a head person lol) and logic tells me it’s still a good story, but, it’s just not good enough.

I want to be published. There, I said it, out loud. Is But Not Forgotten a strong enough debut novel for the cut throat publishing industry where your manuscript has to stand out amongst thousands? No, I don’t believe it is, and that’s not just me having confidence issues. I’m being cruel to myself to be kind. I don’t want to still be banging on about this bloody MS in 2 years time. I need to gather my thoughts, decide what I’m going to do next, and move on 🙂

So although I’m feeling delicate, almost a bit bereft, I’m glad I’ve finally accepted where I’m going with this. I need to put the whole lot to bed, move on 🙂

Wow, I feel like someone I hate has just died lol. So onwards and upwards 🙂 I have a few decisions to make over the coming week, something which is quite exciting if I decide to go for it….I’ll tell you more, as and when 🙂

So how are my fellow IWSG members doing? Don’t worry if you’re not a member, if there’s something you want to get off your chest I’m all ears, and available for virtual hugs, chocolate, lattes, wine, that kind of thing 🙂

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Insecure Writers Support Day

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Sorry, two posts today, but only because it’s Insecure Writers Day 🙂

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I’ve not had a great month to be honest. I decided to stop writing short stories so that I could concentrate on my novel. A good plan at the time, no, it’s still a good plan, I’m fed up with spreading myself so thinly lol. But, it’s not really worked out as I thought it would. The goal setting every week has been working well, to help me focus, but so far, I don’t think there’s been one week where I actually met them all. So this week, no goals…am I putting too much pressure on myself?

Perhaps I just don’t believe in my novel enough. Perhaps I don’t really believe in myself and that’s the problem?

I went to a Nano event last week, where I met Chris Baty (you can read all about that on Ayesha’s Blog ) and although I really thoroughly enjoyed the event (Chris was lovely) I kind of looked around the room and thought “Is this me? Am I really cut out for this? Am I just kidding myself?”

Last week I lost 20 pages of editing. They just didn’t save on my Netbook and I don’t know why. When I’m editing I usually hit ‘save as’ (and check the file name) every 2 or 3 pages. I did that, then the following day I did the same for the next 20 pages. So imagine my horror when I next opened the file to discover that the second lot had completely saved, but the first lot had disappeared! 😦 I just wanted to cry, and I haven’t touched it since. I’m too scared to. Or is that just an excuse?

Sooooo, there we have it, my insecurities lol. Is being a writer really me? How long do I go on doing this? Shall I just go out and get a ‘proper’ job? Lol. These are the questions going round in my head at the moment *sighs*

I hope all my fellow Insecure Writers are having a better month 🙂 Will pop in and see as many of you as I can over the next 24 hours.

Edited to add: I managed to visit 95 fellow IWSG Blogs (pleased with that) 🙂

So what are you feeling insecure about this month?