I joined the Insecure Writers Support Group last month.
I’m not too sure where to start lol, so I’m sorry if this becomes a ramble.
Yes, I’m insecure, in many areas of my life, not just my writing…. I’m quite shy, lack confidence and have self esteem issues, but i try not to wallow (don’t get me wrong, I do sometimes).
I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life searching. For what? I’m not exactly sure lol. But, i realised a few days ago (as I sat, reading the winning entries in a competition I had entered, and feeling totally out of my depth) that my constant searching has been more from the point of view of wanting to find something I’m good at, than just finding something. Does that make sense? It does in my head lol.
I left school with no ambition, no dream, all I wanted was to get married, have kids, a nice home (nothing extravagant) and look after my family as best I could. As the kids started getting older I started to realise that I’d lost myself. I didn’t exist outside of being a mother & wife and it hit me hard. That was in about 2000. I suddenly wasn’t content anymore to just cook, clean, and be a taxi service lol. I was 32 and wanted to achieve something.
So here I was in 2010…..still feeling I hadn’t achieved (various courses, ideas, jobs and voluntary work, all of which seemed to crumble round my ears when I really started to enjoy them, or feel that I was getting somewhere) and then I discovered writing. Like any other interest I pursue, I’ve thrown myself into it 110% but……I don’t feel I’m good at it. I think ive improved, but thats about it lol. I constantly compare my writing to that of others, and think, well, you might as well give up now Vik lol.
I’ve recently had a couple of lovely comments about my work. One of the ladies at my writing group read one of my short stories and said “…my over-riding impression was that you may not realise just what a talented writer you are…..” WOW that blew me away….because I can’t see it.
And then there was the lovely comment on a fellow bloggers blog. C.B.Wentworth said recently of my blog -“The View Outside – This blog is one where I literally wait for a new post. Vikki writes amazing posts about her journey as a writer. There’s everything from prompts, flash fiction, and experiments in inspiration. All of which are written with an infectious sense of optimism that always inspire me to keep writing – no matter what!” Thank you soooo much honey!!!!!)
Sooooo, why do I still find it hard to believe this stuff? Why do I still think I’m not good at anything….will I ever feel that I am?
I will visit as many as I can of the other blogs participating today, to give my support 🙂
Onwards and upwards eh? 😉
To those of you reading this who aren’t members of the group, please feel free to share your insecurities 🙂 If there is one thing I probably am good at its sympathy and virtual (((((hugs))))) 😉