Faber was cancelled again last night due to the snow, so instead, today I’m introducing you to…..
Mr Squiggle
He’s a right nasty bit of work. Made up of all my good words that he kidnaps, then bends into squiggly lines so that they no longer resemble words.
We have conversations where I try to talk to him in clichés, just to irritate him and make him go away…..
It’s not worked 😦
Do you have an idea what your inner critic looks like? And what do you do to silence the nasty little scum bag? 😉
The View Outside 
Mine is a bitch. My muse is a mean, but gorgeous man. My inner critic is a bleach blonde with a permanent sneer, fake boobs, and a snobby accent. I hate her and everything she stands for.
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Ha ha ha, brilliant CC 🙂
Kick her into touch honey!
Xx
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My inner critic/inner editor is an average height, skinny, balding guy in his early fifties. I didn’t know what he looked like until NaNo 2010. He’d always been this faceless thing in the back of my mind spreading seeds of doubt and lack of worth. Once I gave him a “face”, I tied him up in the corner for the rest of the month and ignored the glares and mumbled curses (he was gagged too). It’s the most freeing experience I’ve had during the entire time I’ve been writing. You could “tie” him to the broken Audrey chair. Every bad thing he says causes the chair to tilt and he had to only say positive things to keep it upright! Can you tell I’m a writer? A little heavy on the imagination. lol
Oh, and you can tell that squiggly little so and so that you have one guaranteed sale right here. 😛
You’ll get there!
Melanie
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This is hilarious! I love the idea of the broken Audrey chair. And Vikki, I’ll be second in line for your book.
TAKE THAT. Mr. Squiggle!
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Ha ha ha, thanks Sandra 🙂
Xx
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Oh wow Melanie, that’s excellent 🙂 And I’m so glad you tied him up in the corner lol
Awwww, thanks honey 🙂
Xx
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My inner critic is Pascal. He’s an angry, frustrated, bitter middle-aged man who once thought he was the next Hemingway but never managed to write The Novel. So, he taunts me and picks on my work, finding the weaknesses to harp on and he kicks spelling and grammatical mistakes in my face like a bully kicks sand in a weakling’s eyes. What a peach.
His wife is my inner Perfectionist, Josefiend. She’s strict and matronly. Big busted and thick-waisted, she’s a force I hate to have to wrestle with. She’d crush me if I don’t keep her under tight control. I’m pretty sure she was an Olympic Javelin thrower in her early 20’s. Or maybe it was the Hammer Throw.
Then of course their lovely daughter, Viola. She’s my inner diva. She’s got fake nails, fake eyelashes, a weave that would stop a bullet and bouyfriend (hee hee) pillows ( aka boobs) that would keep a family of 4 afloat. I think she may even have bum implants. No one had a backside that perfect. Anyways, she’s the one that throws hissy fits and is so tempestuous and dramatic. She’s been over-indulged and spoilt rotten.
What a support group I have!
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I forgot to mention that they used to have their own dry-erase board and when they got particularly obnoxious I’d erase them or make them say completely uncharacteristic statements like “Pascal is a daisy dancing in the breeze” even though he’s a grumpy, constipated man with a scowly face.
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Ha ha ha! I need a dry-erase board! 😉
Xx
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Fantastic Sandra! 🙂
That’s one hell of a nasty family you have hanging around honey!
Xx
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My inner critic is a mad witch who flies around in my head knocking over kerosene lamps of reason. She’s a total nutcase and has to be locked away occassionally…
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He he he and I’m asking myself Dianne why you let her back out again 😉
Xx
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Occasionally she gives me a good kick (and I need that!) 😉
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Ahhhhh, I see 😉
Xx
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LOL, I have an inner editor. You may remember seeing her on my blog a while back, she’s the Queen of Hearts and she’s fair ferocious. “Cut” and “Out with it” are her favourite phrases, and she wields the scissors like an axe-murderer. Hey ho, she’s usually right! Love your inner critic, make sure you listen to him. Great post, thank you!
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I do remember her Nicky 🙂
Thank you xx
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This is pretty funny. I’ve never thought about what my inner critic looks like, but he’s a mean nasty ole’ something. And somehow, he manages to stick around even after I’ve done my writing for the day, reminding me about past works. Sigh….
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*sniggers* Thanks honey.
Oooooo, that’s not fair William, that he hangs around even when you’re NOT writing….how sneaky! 😉
Xx
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Lol so so true 🙂
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Love all these vivid descriptions of inner critics…yours and the ones people have left in the comments. Not familiar enough with my inner critic to describe it. I’ll probably get there one day, but I think I’m still mesmerized by the fact I can speak up in writing where I’ve felt like I’ve had no real voice for so long.
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Thanks Sabrina 🙂
It’s weird isn’t it, I haven’t got a clue what my muse looks like, but I do my inner critic 😉
Good for you honey!
Xx
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Good grief, Vikki. That’s a frightening thought. Okay, if I wanted to put a face or personality to my inner critic she would look much like the wicked witch in the Wizzard of Oz. I’d fly on the ceiling of my office and cackle … ” … and you little dog too …” and I don’t even have a dog 🙂
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Oooooo, nasty Florence! The children over the years who must have had nightmares about The Wicked Witch, and here she is, terrorising you! 😦
Xx
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My inner critic is more of a sound – she screeches and makes my skin crawl.
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EEEK! Now THAT is creepy CB 😉
I think I’ll stick with Mr Squiggle lol
Xx
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My inner critic isn’t that much of a problem. My procrastination Pal is the chap who stops me working!
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Ahhhhh, I haven’t got one of those Patsy….I haven’t got time! 😉
Xx
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My inner critic hates me and everything I write. I get her back by not writing anything.
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Oooooo, no no no Sue! That’s what she wants! 😦
Don’t be defeated honey 😉
Xx
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I introduced my Inner Critic at the Insecure Writer’s Group a while back. 🙂 You might remember her– she of the designer wardrobe, coral lipstick, and acid tongue …
Today, thanks to your post, she received a name, Elizabeth M. Clarke, and a mission: She is off to do some book reviews on Amazon. Hopefully, she’ll learn to phrase her thoughts more eloquently than she has with me!
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Ha ha ha, yes I do remember! 😉
Ahhhhh, now there’s an idea Kirsten! Give them a job to keep them busy 😉
Xx
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Mr Squiggle looks terrifying – I’m so glad he’s not mine! I don’t know what mine looks like – I refuse to spend time picturing her (yes, I think it’s female!) – it would only encourage her!
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Sounds like a very wise decision Bel 😉
Xx
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My inner critic looks a lot like my first MA advisor, the one that drove me out of the program for a year and a bit. He/it was the embodiment of all the bad writing experiences/lessons I’d had over the years. Still have to give him the pointy end of a pitchfork now and then. And yes, I’m devilish that way 🙂
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Ooooo, Melanie 😦
Good for you honey! 🙂
Xx
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I have no idea how to silence the nasty scum bag. In fact he’s been extremely noisy of late. I think he used to be a catholic nun in a black habit in days gone past. He must have had a sex change since then! 🙂
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Oooooo, that’s quite a creepy image honey lol 😉
Xx
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